Turn Of Faith

    • Turn Of Faith

      Hey guys, i've been out the online poker scene but just coming back from some really bad life tilt and i'm gonna use this place to vent. I was a sponsored spin & go player with some pretty nice results (see that sexy red line in the link below) playing over 40k games. Due to unforeseen circumstances i couldn't afford to play those games (Fuck you Stars) so i had to do other things in life to make a living. I started working for charities and became of one the best fundraisers in the UK, (you don't want to see me on the streets i'll make ya give all your moines to charity :P ) Now during this time I'd take shots at my local casino either play the 1/2 cash game or any good value tournaments going on. Now after a weekend trip outside of the city to play some poker I ended up getting hospitalized in a mental home for 2 weeks, and the one mantra I kept saying to myself was I'm not crazy I'm just really good at poker :thumbsup: . I spent my mother fucking birthday in a cell, while the whole world was watching some fucking wedding i couldn't care less about. The whole time i was trapped i kept thinking I can't wait till I'm out so I can show the whole world (my friends included) how good I am at poker. Now I know my weaknesses in life, and living in one of the most expensive cities in the world my bankroll is non-existent. So when I won a £30 sat to a £440 tourney it was a great day for me. On the day of the tourney I bust my first bullet cause a fish does what a fish does.... bust my second bullet cause fuck it i'm the King of diamonds... now with the 3rd and last bullet I took my 30k starting stack to 150K cause ya boy aint no punk. Now my play style is aggro as you can see from my red-line.... so in the last hand of the day when I got for a cheeky 3bet AI against an earlier opener I was ecstatic when I saw that KQo.... me and my dumb self was too busy praying for no K I didn't notice the motherfucker turned a Gutshot straight... so instead of finishing the day with 200k I finished with 100k.... no biggie its about average stack and mans still the King of Diamonds cause diamonds are formed under pressure can't let no fucking 70/30 get me down. Now on the start of day 2 i was playing unbelievable poker turned my 100k into 800k well before the first break and I was in my rightful spot as chip leader of the tourney. Then the crucial hand happened <X .... A6A flop... check check.... (ding ding ding time for me to bluff, he should be isoing all his Aces pre) turn 4, i bet, opponent calls.... river the Ace in the hole (ding ding ding now he definitely doesn't have an Ace what are the mo-fo chances... i should have more than him)... I'm all in... insta call (FFFFUUUCCCKKKK) he tables quads and i'm crushed.... don't worry mans still a G out here with 60k and 10bigs... spin territory. Obviously my QJo gets called by aces but no bother theres always next time.... Well next time came sooner than i expected and I went straight to the cash tables... me and my donk self tried to make 2 big bluffs then got set over set by the only guy who covered me and I'm right back at zero. One thing i've learned about poker is that theres always going to be more hands... I still remember the biggest hand of my spin and go jackpot (yeah thats right yo boy spun a jackpot and lost X( )... The Poker Gods have been cruel to me but they will see my heart is pure. The fruits of my labor will come very soon :evil:
    • I'm posting this cause I have no clue what my next step is, I'm in the process of trying to get some more online backing for different games/ preferable live backing for the live scene in london. But I know trust is something that takes years to build and seconds to destroy, and unfortunately i have messed up with some people super close to me ;(
      all of it is part of my condition though, check out Dutch Boyd's book poker tilt

      the fact i was able to go from being in a mental home one week to being invited to one of the biggest private games in london shows i am good with my words, and its time for me to start getting an audience who can help me achieve my dreams
    • Funny thing is I'm scared of the future, cause I have no idea what to do... i'm definitely going back to the 9 - 5 to pay for my upkeep for the moment, but whenever I was playing 1/2 cash I didn't come across anyone who I thought was better than me... Even the dealers at Aspers Stratford were saying I play some of the best poker they've ever seen. So I do always have my raw poker skills to go own. Many people have told me I should think about streaming (as you guys can guess I talk alot of shit) might give that a little go, get more people interested in poker (which is good for the game) and I think you need someone like me (Big Black and Beautiful) to show everyoe that anyone can get good at this game. But this game has captivated me for over 10 years now, its just such a beautiful game. Nothing else matters on the poker table, all the outside stresses leave when you're sat down at a game and you just concentrate on playing the best poker you can.... it doesn't matter how rich your opponent is, Poker is a game of mistakes and if you make less than your opponents you'll print money off them.... Gotta keep faith the poker God's grant their fortunes to those who make decisions righteously (unlike DNegs). like the rest of you I used to look up to him but he's behavior recently has been disgraceful to the game and it sickens me that old cunts like him are still the public face of poker when he's playing an active roll in choking the online game, it means grinders like myself have it tougher. But don't worry DNegs this young black grinder aint like the rest... ima mo fucking Black Rose and soon the world will be there to see what a truly honorable poker player looks like (shout out to man like polky). (Polk if you ever read this i'm at the stage you were at when you made that infamous post about giving up, If i do ever make it to the creme just like you, just know it's only been made possible by your amazing example my friend, seeing that its still possible to rise has kept my dream alive... it's now just about convincing the rest of the world I'm as good as I feel... obivously i'm gonna make use of whatever opportune circumstances arrive but this is a guy who's literally starting from the bottom and watch the rise cause this shit is gonna be fun)

      ye ye ye i know i chat a bunch of shit... but i spit my shit cause i can defend it
    • I'm gonna use this space as a place for me to document all my "crazy" thoughts, feel free to interject (but I am challenging you to HU4rollz no matter who you are .... ((i'm on like £2 :P ...watch the spin up))
      just so fucking sick and tired of how sick poker/ life can be at times
    • If you spend the time to clean up your posts a bit in structure, as you stated yourself, I bet you will get some replies.

      I just skimmed through your OP and some of the replies, it is hard to read and comprehend, but it looks like you are in a place in your life where you should think about a plan for the next coming years.

      Poker is tough and requires an astounding level of discipline. Just strategic edge is not enough in today's game and when you get tilted from recreationals already, I wouldn't think about becoming pro yet.

      Anyways, you write that you are scared about the future, that is because you don't feel certain about poker and you question yourself.

      You might want to consider other options that give you a stable income and start building your skill and confidence level in poker and once you get the results needed to make it your primary source of income you can still do it then.

      But starting a professional poker career with so much anxiety will end badly. You can read up on some crusher's blogs here or on 2p2 and you will find that they had stretches of breakeven or sometimes losing monthes in a row playing way superior to their opponents. It is just the tough reality of playing a game with element of chance.