badly disciplined player strives to conquer himself and become a poker shark

    • badly disciplined player strives to conquer himself and become a poker shark

      Cliffs of my thread here...

      Start out with 'just one rule' play cash with 20 buyins, move up at 25 buyins, move down at 20.
      Fail to follow discipline. Along the way trying to build a roll, realise I am better at maintaining my a-game at mtts than i am at cash.
      Decide to switch to mtts.
      Lost two bankroll so far in this thread. Last one on 7.11.2015 (hopefully this is the last one that is lost).

      Bankroll rebuild started with 2 euros on Unibet on.... 7.11.2015 - all i had in my Unibet account.
      Took down a $1 euro mtt for 76 euros with that.

      Vowed to never again try anything higher than 4nl cash unless i have free tickets to play from promotions ; or i am financially secure from my mtt play (which will mean this blog has been a success...).

      Urgh.. this was meant to be cliffs.. sorry... i'll stop now...

      The post was edited 2 times, last by gentleme ().

    • Thanks guys! I won it on BetSafe in satellites, it was a competition from another forum, In the end we played a SNG and I won the SNG. Unfortunately there was 300 euro spending money but I needed 550 to travel (and had just 48 hours to book my transport and passport) so I tried to run that up to 550 but it didn't work out... so I wrote to the forum and told them to give the 1250 package prize that was remaining to one of the other finalists so someone else can go.

      Thanks for idea about todo mukzr I will start using that daily.

      I am ready to start making progress with my game and no longer willing to submit to mediocre or poor results due to bad long term decisions with my bankroll.. so I have just deposited for what I hope will be the last time.

      I have 55 euros and 2x4nl cash tickets, so 63 euros in total. Will be starting session 1 at 4nl shortly!

    • DAY 1


      I started this challenge at 4am so there wasn't a huge amount of volume but I'll still call it day 1 as i'll be going to sleep for a bit now and it's 8AM.
      I am pleased with my mental game. I worked on detaching from the mental game and trying to focus on the quality of my thinking.


      Towards the end of the session I lost a 350bb pot against a massive fish (with a 900bb stack) who was literally calling every street with any card, I had been isoing him a tonne and he raised my open to 50bbs... so I shoved 180bbs with


      :Tcc :Thh


      and sure as predicted he called with


      :Ass :8dd


      ... unfortunately he hit the Ace. Why am I writing this? Not because I am celebrating a bad beat, but because I am pleased with my mental game, as it was rolling off I just said to myself great hand for getting it in so good. Well done. I am pleased I was hardly affected.


      I ended up at €75.06 so +3 buyins, and I saw 317 flops so I guess about 1200 hands


      I also checked an article out about third world countries on google to remind me how good we have it in Western Society and this helped me keep my focus and be less bothered at things that might annoy me usually.


      I've also found out how to use thumbnails now, so don't have to insert massive pictures into my posts any more!


      Looking forward to day 2....



    • tvtotaliwin wrote:

      Gl! I'm a bit confused why you didn't try everything with the 1500 package, but if expenses were a bit too high it's somewhat understandable ;)

      Hey TV thanks for dropping by...I did try everything my expenses and flights cost 550 euros, I tried to use the 300 spending money to make to 550 but it lost... then I was bust. so I had no hoice but stick my head in sand or contact the site and tell them to give the package (5 nights 5 star hotel and 500 euro buy-in) to someone else that could travel and pay for their flights so that's what I did...

      Day 2 Update
      Bad volume and good volume depending on what way you look at it, drank a lot of wine today (2 bottles!) family visiting. Nice to catch up. When I finished I still hadn't played. Joked to a friend online I can probly still beat 4nl half inebriated... he said yes you probly can... so I tried... 1.5 buyins down... (after losing a 50% flip aiotf I should add!) I decided to quit the session.
      Pretty mean discipline if I can say so myself! ... so bankroll....
      69 euros.


      tomorrow volume likely low too, looking to pick it up over the weekend, thanks for dropping by.
    • Day 3 Update

      Yesterday was a shame, I didn't obey just one rule... and i bust! Surprise surprise... How did this happen? I was playing mostly breakeven over 2 days which tilted me slightly but i was persevering then i won 4-5 buyins taking me up to 80$ and then i was very deep vs an absolute fish, and i made it personal... i wanted to beat this fish... so knowing i was ahead of what he was likely holding... i stacked off for 250bbs... with a8s pf... he has k3... and hits a 3.


      Big error of course on my part! I know my ranges for maniacs at 100bbs and they are something like AJ+, ATs+, 77+, so i should of course be even tighter with 250bbs especially when i have a limited bankroll.


      If that mistake wasn't bad enough... it triggered two of my big tilt factors.. losing, and having made a elementary mistake....


      so with 55 euros i had left.. i played a 10 euro headsup SNG... when that lost i played a 25 euro headsup sng... then a couple of other bad decisions... refusing to allow the last 3 days of play to be in vain...


      Totally the wrong approach. But this is my weakness. After the damage was done and the bankroll wiped out... i remembered that the whole point of me playing if i am to win is to develop a great mindset, this is my weakness. I have this vision in my mind of training myself to be in a great state every time i play and nothing phasing me and being totally happy and content just grinding. That's my ideal. As a friend said to me though this is going to be a massive challenge as I am pursuing a profession that does not play to my strengths but instead depends on my weaknesses.


      Pushing forward though, and trying again... I've just deposited $70 on pkr as they mailed me with an offer which means i can basically play rake free on there until i clear a 100% deposit bonus. Also they added a nice bonus which is a $12 mtt ticket and i've found a nice mtt which starts in an hour called Kilimanjaro which looks like you get plenty of play.


      So i'm going to step it down a gear switch the 3d on and play the mtt, then later im going to setup holdem manager switch to 2d and grind some 5nl.


      Lets see if i can make some real progress this time. First milestone: have same bankroll in 7 days.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by gentleme ().

    • Day 4 Update
      Day 4 was a very nice turn-around. I had £47 available that I could deposit and I took some time deciding where this would be deposited, Unibet was a first choice, but I am really starting to miss not having a HUD to improve my play. So thought I should split between Unibet and another tracked site too. Then as I was logging into my emails i noticed a reload offer from PKR. I haven't used my PKR account in years, and must say it is kind of fun playing in 3d now and again, just obv not ideal setup for grinding.


      Anyway reload offer seemed decent (100% deposit bonus and a $12 mtt ticket). I checked the MTT out and the structure looked very decent (10k starting stacks and 10 minute levels) so I thought why not...So I put my 70$ into PKR.
      Played the MTT and finished 3/117 players in the MTT which was very nice, for $178.


      I also played a couple of hundred hands of 10nl after I cashed that, and the play seems soft (but it's 10% rake so maybe this is why!) Anyway a good turn-around and I have been playing the MTT for 4 hours so I think I'll call day 4 a wrap for now.


      I realised I missed my little PKR guy, I remember spending ages making him look right 5 years ago lol and he's still how I left him... all the way down to the little wrist band.



      Here's the small 10nl cash session I played (first couple of hands are 4nl before I cashed the MTT)

      Bankroll Update:



      Onwards and upwards...!!!





    • Day 5 Update


      Today I woke up and decided to play 8 hours today as per my previous comment here. So made some coffee and had some cereal and started my grind. 2 hours in I had a 10 minute break and another coffee then carried on for the next 2 hours. During this time I played 10nl, and made another buy-in taking my total p/l to $18.82 since I started playing 10nl on PKR yesterday.


      Then I had a 2 hour break which included watching some tv, and having a nap for 1 hour.


      Then I came back to start my second 4 hour grind. However big problem!! There are NO!!! 10NL games at 2am on PKR. I mean can you believe that? not one 6max 10nl game... and only 2 players at 4nl... well my bankroll was about $230 and I had nothing to do at all, so I opened up a 25nl table. Within a few hands I had doubled up, however then I chatted with my coach who said wth are you doing! You are not bankrolled for 25nl.. so I stopped!!


      Which brings my cash results on PKR to here since I restarted my challenge 2 days ago: -




      So I was still at the start of my second 4 hour grind and had nothing much to do pokerwise, so decided to enter a 10 euro MTT (rebuy). I intended to just play for 1 buy-in, but after registering I realised the first buyin was 3k chips, and the next 2 buyins you were allowed were 5k chips each, so it seemed bad value not to take them, so I took them both.



      I finished 2nd in that which was a 1k GTD for +$300 which was pretty cool!


      So bankroll currently $583.21 (I have some expenses so will likely take $200 from this soon) and carry on from 383.21 but I will see!


      Thanks for dropping by!!
    • wildmonkeee7 wrote:

      Great way to track your progress not only in numbers.I would suggest you to check out Evans vod about tilt - Personally for me, the more I watch it, the more my subconsious mind starts to get it.glgl

      Thanks wildmonkeee7 I have 'seen' this video before, but never really watched it properly. You've motivated me to watch it and study it a bit more will do that, thanks!

      Day 7 Update


      Well a lot has happened the past few days, ups and downs.
      Since my last post where I finished 2nd in the 1k Gtd, the first mtt on pkr I entered, I have entered another two 1k guaranteeds ($12 rebuy) and ($20 + $5 addon) and finished 1st and 2nd which is really awesome. Tournament poker is funny for months I've been playing the odd mtt on and off (since I finished 1st and 2nd in the betsafe freerolls almost a year ago) and I just couldn't seem to get anything happening. I doubted I actually knew how to play, and decided I was a fish at mtts! Then as I'm back on PKR I play a few and am crushing them.


      Variance is a funny thing for sure. I know I can't expect to keep finishing 1st or 2nd in every mtt I enter, but I also think my batch of ad-hoc entries 4 a month or so for the last 5 months with nothing happening, is also not reflective of my ability. Anyway - the main thing is I've started winning some mtts and it feels great.


      Date - Results....
      1st - play 1k gtd and finish 3/117 players for $178
      2nd - play 1k gtd and finish 2/35 ($12 rebuy) for $300
      3rd - play Unibet league mtt finish 1/90 in the first one for +$70
      4th - play 1k gtd and finish finish 2/52 (4hours and 4 minutes!) for +$275


      I also got $100 bonus from Unibet for the league as the other two I played I didn't cash but my combined results were 1st in the whole of Unibet on Monday so I got a 100$ bonus.


      So all of this is awesome, and while I can't expect to keep getting these results in every mtt I play, it does encourage me and reassure me that I can actually play mtts. I haven't really tried to play mtts at all , until I joined back at pkr (because the mtts on Unibet are not too great).


      ....


      Now the bad news... Cash has been battering me lately I've dropped about $300 playing everything from 10nl to 50nl.


      Which brings me back to the whole point of this blog. The just one rule, was meant to encourage me to follow a disciplined approach to bankroll management. But I find this incredibly hard to do. I want to be making £200-£300 a day playing poker and I am obviously miles away from that at 10nl. I want to travel the world and play poker (who doesn't right?).


      But these desires are incompatible with a key ingredient needed for poker success - patience.


      I can be a very impulsive person when I am angry. I wished I wasn't but it's part of my DNA! I have been working really hard lately listening to budhist meditation, purchasing tilt books on poker market, and also checking out a hypnosis podcast to try to get better at my mental game. I am getting better but I am still prone to massive impatience. Where for instance I convince myself that I should just play 50nl with 6 buyins, because if I run 'ok' I can finally start making some decent progress...


      No doubt if I was rolled for 50nl, I would be having the same conversation with myself about 100nl... and the same if I was rolled for 100nl, about 200nl... etc.... I have to get out of this degenerate mindset! But... I want to be financially independent from my poker play so badly!


      Anyway enough rambling for now, just wanted to give you guys an inside into my thinking and mindset at the moment.


      All in all when I subtract the lost money from cash games from my tournament winnings, I have a current bankroll of...


      $415 -- which considering 4 days ago I had just $70 which I had deposited I am pretty pleased with.


      Going forward I am going to pick one cash stake and stick to it (10nl or 25nl... I really want to play 25nl but I know I am still technically under rolled for this) and I will continue to play some mtts when I feel in the mood for them!


      Thanks for reading, have a great end to your week!

    • Day 9 Update

      OK. Things are going ok. I am still crushing mtts which is absolutely damn awesome.
      I am still a fish at cash games, which is absolutely damn annoying!

      Here's my MTT Graph


      Game 50 was 2008, and game 52 or whatever was when I redposited for the first time in 7 years. Nice to see a difference. Long may it continue.

      Took another 1st and 2nd today, which is nice.

      This is my cash results....



      I feel a bit disappointed that cash is sucking the life out of me!!!! But I shouldn't be like that. I am trying to be an all rounded poker player, and I think the two go hand in hand, my tournament results an my cash game are part of the same poker quest.

      I absolutely have to play nothing higher than 25nl though until I can start beating it though that's for sure.

      I have been working my ass off lately mostly 1 tabling these mtts for hours on end, and am really pleased with the results

      Bankroll : $525